Journal Lite, because I'm too lazy/unmotivated to add depth to it.

-Might get a job at McDonalds. The one near HyVee.
-Gonna hang out with Daniel and a few of my friends this Saturday. Hopefully. I need to get out of the house. -_-
-Neon Genesis froze up because of a scratch... right when I was about to find out if Shinji accidentally killed his best friend. ;_;
-I'm re-reading the Megatokyo manga's for, like, the 15'th time.
-Giving Brisingr another read. Hopefully I'll finish it this time.


...Mentally, I'm confused. Like, really confused... my mind is a mess, and it's driving me crazy. Stress is going to be the downfall of me, I fear. :\ In a sense, I'm in exactly the same boat that Danny's in... anything more I tell her would be utterly hypocritical. "Leave him", "You deserve better". All hypocritical, because you can't truly understand the situation unless you become engulfed in it. It's pretty much the same with me and Ellen... exactly the same. But, you know, I don't care. I'm happy I'm with her. I'm happy WITH her, I'm happy just being by her side, no matter how infrequent that is.
But anyhow... life has been fairly uneventful; I haven't gone to youth group mainly because of fights with parents. I really miss you guys... it's been so long since I've seen ANY of you. Courtney, Hannah, Danny, Daniel, Mallory, Cassy, Kendall... how long has it been? A month? Two months? I haven't talked to Amanda for a while... I wonder how she's doing.

...Just shoot me, please. X_x

EDIT: I need to vent.

I really don't know why, but I've been extremely depressed today so far. Every once in a while, I'll just get into these... really sucky moods. I'm not even sure what it is - is it stress? I don't really know anymore... all I do know is that I want my Ellen. </3
The feelings I used to have for Tabitha, or what's left of them, have morphed into hate. I see her in the hallway, I literally growl. I even HEAR about her, and I get angry. I don't know, maybe it's my hearts way of coping with the fact that there was never, nor will there ever be, any closure... instead of lingering on the leftover feelings, those stagnant feelings, I cope by hating her. Found out she got accepted to the University of Iowa. I should be happy, but... that just pisses me off to no end. Her life is going okay. People don't hate her, people don't think of her as a creep. And look at me. Lizze hates my guts, and has practically made it a goal to tell all of her friends why. Tabitha is anywhere NEAR me, and I get petrified. I freeze up, nervously twitch, my heart races... I can honestly say I'm terrified of her. I'm letting fear control my life, and it's not good at all.

I hate her. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her... I never thought I would, but I do. I hate her so much... I hate what she's done, I hate that everything is going good in her life; maybe I'm being selfish. I should be happy for her. I should be ecstatic that she got accepted to the U of I. But I feel nothing but hate. Anger. It pisses me off...

God, 5 months, and I'm still not over her. While the feelings are gone, they've been replaced by utter hate...

I need a hug. Or Ellen. ;_; Or anyone... Hannah... Courtney... anyone...